The Same.

Every day has felt the same recently. It kind of feels like, no matter what I do, no matter what I change, I'm just repeating the same thing all over again. It’s become exhausting. I wake up, go to school, and then attempt to fill the rest of my day. The reality is, I spend the remaining time in bed wishing I did something else with my day, then go to sleep. It all repeats itself.

I have to convince myself every day not to drown everyone I know in my problems. And the truth is that this really is not a cry for help, I just like to feel heard. I don't necessarily want everyone knowing about what goes on in my life, which is ironic because I'm telling whoever you are about it right now. But it's nice to feel heard, and in writing this it feels like I can let it all out without directly telling anyone, which is nice.

Back to the point. I wake up and the first thing on my mind is that I want coffee. So, I take myself to go and get some sort of coffee even though I know caffeine just makes me anxious. I do that every single day. It’s all the same. The differences in my day are too small to make my days feel any different. Homework, playlists, meals, it truly does not matter. At this point it’s a cycle of me wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life— and that's to put it lightly.

It feels like I can't escape. Like I'm in one of those movies where the same thing keeps happening every day until the main character learns from their mistakes and changes for the better. Except this cycle has been going on for what feels like years and I can’t seem to figure it out. It’s like I’m on this journey to discovering something so great yet I just dig myself into a never ending hole. A question I ask myself pretty often is “how do I fix this?”, and if I’m being honest, it’s starting to feel like I may never know.